Background - I was born free by my parents Ashley and Semaj Nemess.
My brother Jerone and sister Briana lived with us out in Chicago Illinois for a long
while. My Brother Jerone was always getting caught up in trouble; hanging out with
the wrong crowds and one day when I decided to tag along, I end up getting caught
by slave catchers and made a slave. (At the Age 10). On my 16th Birthday, I managed to
finish perfecting a plan on running away and put it into action.
In mid way of escaping I hits a flaw in his plan where I make a wrong turn
and runs into a group of slave catchers. (One of them was the same slave catcher
that caught me six years ago). THe second I saw his familiar face my temper went off
the chart and I ran in headstrong and started a fight with them. (Wasn't one of my
best decisions...) At first I was winning against the large group of people, but
then more came over and I was on the verge of going down. At the last minute,
a well figured brunette white women walks over. She starts saying I'm her slave
and all the slave catchers are so awed at her beauty that they don't even
attempt to question her. Half conscience, and angry, I give the guys a dirty
look and get up in an attempt to continue fighting. Was shocked as hell when that Brunette
grabs me by the ear, slaps me across the face and forces me away.
After the slave catchers were out of sight, the women formally introduces herself
as Hali Hudson, a beginner abolitionist. I didn't trust her at first simply because she
was an unknown white but I found myself easily opening up to her over and over. Over the
course of 3 months, we became really close while working as activist and running
away from the slave catcher who remembered me.
About a year goes by and Hali and I get married (Not legally of course). A few years after that
we have two kids. Sadly, al few years after that we get corner by the guy who remembered me
and murdered while trying to protect our children.
My wife Hali Loves to draw. This is her self portrait
although personally, I like she's a hundred times more gorgeous.
This is me drawn by Hali..... Hmmm... Somethings looks off about it. But I love it.
Our houseeeeee...
Cecil's House... Way too big for my liking...
This is where slaves lived... Hated that sh!t hole, crap excuse of a house
I had a best friend name Kamille who was always getting into trouble. This
was the last punishment for her. Slave master tied her son up like that
and left him there for three days.
This is Robin's Dad... He was a good guy and really smart. Got sold one day though
because the master's wife tried to sleep with him and he said no.
Yesterday's breakfast. Man... Hali CAN NOT cook so I do all the cooking. I don't know
how she survived before she met me. >.<
Our Dog Stevennnnn... He looks so weird... But I can't figure out why?
Me and Hali made this together (cause there's no way she could make this by herself)
Our shower. Itz amazing... that is all I have to say... It's just... amazing...
Hated Wearing these Damn things. Hurt like hell after a while.
STATUS UPDATES
1850
Today has been funny... Hali went crazy over a book that got published today called “Scarlet Letter” by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Not sure what it’s about but it seems like an important event to Hali.
Septemeber 9th
Today was amazing. Hali and I heard that California became the thirty-first state, and territory of New Mexico and Utah was created. The way we see it, we now have one more state to help slaves escape to. Hopefully we get more soon.
Sept 20th
Wow... Itz funny how slavery was abolished in DC today and yet slavery still exist. You’d think that if slavery ended in the CAPITAL it would end all over the country... Sad... This world we live in is messed the hell up.
October 12th
Almost burst out laughing today when Hali came running into the house. “OMG! First Women’s Medical School has opened! Yes! Female Power!” She always gets so excited about things like this.
1852
March 29th
I heard Ohio made it illegal for children under 18 and women to work more than 10 hours... Kind of agree with that... I don’t want my kids wasting too much of their childhood working. I want them to enjoy their youth and be kids... Oh. And I definitely don’t want Hali working long. That woman is a walking caution sign, getting hurt ALL the time. SO clumsy... I really don’t want her out of my sight for too long if i can help it.
August 1st -
Kind of happy today. San Francisco Methodist made the very first black church called Zion Methodist. I might go and bring Hali and the kids with me. We need a God or Gods to help us through our life...
1853
April 23rd -
So pumped right now. Apparently between April 14th and 20th Harriet Tubman started her underground rail road. Hali’s already working on a plan to get us to intersect them and ask if we can help. The more blacks that we get free the better.
October 2nd -
Wow... you gotta hear this. TOday over and Austria Jews were forbidden from owning any land... This entire world is Racist! *laughs* Like... It’s funny in a sad way. Whites not only hate us, but they hate their own kind too. Their gonna end up killing everyone or everyone will end up killing them.
Note THREE
June 28th, 1853
It’s currently June twenty eighth, Hali’s birthday. She’s seven teen now... Been two years since we married... Right now we’re laying out in the field behind our house. She’s sleeping on my stomach... and looks just as amazing as she did the day I met her in the woods. Would of died that day if she hadn’t came when she did.
Oh well. That’s not what today’s entry is about. Earlier today Hali was telling me about the revolutionary war was. “Figures you wouldn’t know about that. A lot of blacks don’t know about it. Slave owners think it’ll give you guys ‘inspiration to recreate a revolution of your own’ I’ve heard. Sad...” Hali started out saying.
I’ll explain it the way she explained it.
Basically, A large group of british people came to this land we now know as America and claimed it as theirs in the name of their king. Then after a while their king became to become a pain in the butt with all these rules and taxes and the british people living in America said “Hey, Wait a minute! We’re all the way over here! And you’re pissing us off! So we’re not going to listen to you anymore!!”
That made the king angry. So he sent a bunch of british troops across seas to go handle the Rebelling British. Of course though, this story is a somewhat happy ending, and the American British end up beating the british troops and winning their freedom from the British king.
Sweet story right? Doubt that’ll happen with blacks though. We’re too unorganized and we betray each other... But it’s a good idea... Imagine a black telling a slave owner no... he’d be skinned and hung before he could put a period on the end of the one word sentence. No *slash! HANG!* Funny though... I’ve said no to my slave master once.
He had pushed me over and knocked over my dinner one night just for the hell of it then slapped me ACROSS THE FACE and said “Get down there and eat if off the floor!” Pshhh... White bastard must have lost his mind that day and he probably thought the same about me when I kicked the food at his foot and said no. Of course Cecil was in the next room and heard. “Nigger! Have you lost your mind!?” his dad yelled at me raising his arm like he was going to swing at me. I put my arms up, ready for a fight. I had been waiting so long to get my hands on this white trash for so many reasons. Just as he swings at me, Cecil comes between us. “Dad, wait! He’s drunk! Give him a break please, it’s my fault. I gave him way too much beer last night.”
His dad gave me his cold look that struck fear into so many blacks (but only made me give him mean looks back. I ain’t afraid to pick a fight with anyone). “Nigger MUST be drunk to raise a fist to ME. Take his black self out the house and throw him in solitary for a week.” MAN, that pissed me off. I had to spend a week inside this box in the dark. Wasn’t able to see Robin and all i got to eat was rice and water.
Wish i had a army of men back then. I would have “revolted” and burnt down his entire house... AND killed his whole family except Cecil of course. Then I’d take my army to another plantation and revolt there. ANd continue the cycle until all the slave owning families were dead and all the blacks were free. *laughs lightly*
Seems more like a fantasy than reality... Oh. Hali’s waking up now. Gotta say happy birthday to her...
NOTE Two
Semaj here... Finally got my hands on some paper again. My master’s son, Cecil, caught me writing a couple weeks after I got on the plantation and slapped me with a book. He told me something like “Stupid Crazy Nigger! If my daddy catches you, he’d cut your hands off without a second thought!” We were somewhat friends then so I guess he was worried about me so I let it go. (Usually I would have knocked his face off... I don’t like being hit).
Anyway... me and Cecil are like best friends now. He looks out for me and covers for me because honestly, I’d be dead by now if he wasn’t around. I’ve started fights, popped off at overseers, and slacked off from work so many times you’d think I was mental. Yesterday was my twelfth birthday so (I’ve been here two years now) Cecil brought me this amazing notebook and pen. The cover of the book is the same color as my bed so it’s easy to hide. “You’re only allowed to write at night, in the woods, and/or when you’re one HUNDRED percent sure there’s no one around. I don’t want you getting in trouble because of this.”
So... Today’s my first day writing in this. It’s around eight at night from the looks of the sky... I miss my brother and sister... and I somewhat miss my parents... Somewhat... I need to find a way to get out of this... Oh! That’s what I’ll do... Starting today, this book will be my outline to escaping this sh!t hole... I hate it here. Hmmmm... what can I do!? Oh yeah... a couple of days ago Cecil snuck me a news paper. He sneaks me one when he can although they’re always really old... I read about a couple of examples of people resisting to slavery in there. It was interesting.
The first person I read about was a guy named Gabriel Prosser. He tried to recruit about a thousand slaves with a plan to set fire to the capital of Virginia and take the governor captive around August 30th of 1800. What sucks is that some traitor nigga squealed to the local authorities and they came and stopped Gabriel and his resistance.
I know I can’t rely on people now. A nigga will do anything to keep the skin on his back I guess. A black’ll stand by his kind and fight, which is the difference between Black people and Niggers. I’m definitely one hundred percently Black. I’d stand and fight and DIE before I become a traitor... Hmmm... I think I just went off topic...
Anyway... When I try to escape, I know that I can’t tell anyone, and I can’t rely on any one to help me. You never know who’s a black and who’s a nigger out here...
Another person I read about was Nat Turner. He was a black preacher from a plantation in Virginia. Apparently he felt that he was called from god to “leave his people from slavery”. Hmph... Funny how his rebellion cause fifty five whites to die and between one hundred and two hundred blacks to die. Also because of him a lot of laws were made to restrict slaves even more. I don’t think God (if there is a god) would let that happen just to become a major fail on Nat’s part...
I wonder if there really is a god anyway... and if there is, what the hell was he thinking when he decided to make white people...
Oh well... Lesson from this guy is that I really can’t get others involved. I don’t want anyone getting hurt because of me.
Oh. There was one other person that was interesting:
Frederick Douglas. I heard he escaped in 1838. The article about him in the newspaper was like two pages long. The man is something. He escaped from slavery, became a writer about his life and slavery and somehow managed to be able to work with the president. Hmmm... I should do that. When I escape (because there’s no way in hell I’m living the rest of my life on this damned plantation), I’m going to write out everything I’ve been through. I’m going to put down on paper the truth about whites, slavery, and our world as a whole. Maybe it’ll move a few hearts... There’s a low chance of it but there is a chance so it’s worth a try. Like these three guys, I’m gonna become an abolistionist. I want to help free slaves and make a difference somehow. Tired of my life... I’m not accomplishing ANYTHING in this stupid plantation! Damn...
Note ONE
You know, I asked my slave owner’s son once, what was the purpose of slavery. I asked him why did he think it existed. His answer to me was that it was due to “a need of labor”. There was a lot of work that was needed to be done when it came to plantations and the only way to get everything done was to get a bunch of mindless niggers to do it. At least, that’s what my daddy told me” were his words. That night when I stretched out on my poor excuse of a bed, his son’s words were all I could think about.
Since the day I had that chain locked around my neck and ankles I’ve only managed to wonder, why? Why does something as... inimical and evil as slavery have to exist. What was the point of it. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the thought of it just being a way to get work out of people. There had to be a deeper root to it then that. There was no way a black being whipped to death was due to a need for labor. There was no way a black women being raped and beaten was due to the need of labor. There was no WAY that the limbs of a black being cut off was due to a NEED for labor. No... There was more to it then that... There had to be more to it.
I’ve been on this plantation for six years now and there’s no doubt in my mind that there are some strong, bad feelings behind slave owners and just whites in general. I’ve seen them do so many things to my kind pointlessly. My very first love, Robin, was driven crazy by whites. She worked herself to death trying to please them; Doing their children’s laundry, feeding them, caring for the slaves children, tending to the wife’s needs. They repaid her for her hard labor by raping her. Over and over... And i didn’t find out until it was too late. Would have killed that white son of a bitch if she had told me when it first happened... but by the time i found out, she was a month pregnant and convinced that if I killed that white trash her baby and her would have no future. So I sat back in silent rage as I watched a white baby grow inside my black beauty. I stood by her.
One day while I’m out in the fields one of my slave sisters come running over to me and tells me Robin’s in labor. The overseer gives me a look and reaches for his whip. I give him a look of hell and lock my wrist. There was no way he would stop me from going to her, and he knew it. So he stepped to the side and my slave sister led me to Robin who was in the cook house on the floor around four other female slaves. I ran over to hold Robin’s hand and after 2 hours the child was out of her. It was a nasty color at first but soon it turned to be a light-skinned black. The glow and joy in Robin’s face was like nothing I had seen before. I couldn’t describe to you how happy she was with the limited vocabulary I have but I doubt there’d be a word for it anyway.
All I knew was that I wanted to be able to keep that smile on her face forever.
A week goes by and I pull up the courage to ask her the four words that would let me make her happy forever. “Will you marry me?” Her reaction wasn’t what I expected though. “I... Semaj... I... No...” I had a hand full of fresh picked flowers that I snuck away to get for her. They hit the ground at the same second my heart did. “Okay... Why not?” She looked off. “I have a son now. And... Master said he’ll take care of us... Master Loves me Semaj... and... I love him too.”
I don’t remember much after that. It’s all just a blur of blind fury. I know I yelled at her... really loud. Calling her crazy. She yelled back a couple times. I don’t know what... but I ended up storming off to the edge of the woods and punching the hell out of a tree. Broke my knuckles I think. “Damned white man...” I mumbled over and over. I remember that because I still mumble it now. Damned White man. That’s all whites are. they’re cursed beings sent to destroy and terrorize everything. Slavery is just a form of their terror and destruction and is in this world as just a reminder of how much of a monster whites are.
Born - o4/30/34 in Chicago Illinois
Race - African American : Free Black
Background - I was born free by my parents Ashley and Semaj Nemess.
My brother Jerone and sister Briana lived with us out in Chicago Illinois for a long
while. My Brother Jerone was always getting caught up in trouble; hanging out with
the wrong crowds and one day when I decided to tag along, I end up getting caught
by slave catchers and made a slave. (At the Age 10). On my 16th Birthday, I managed to
finish perfecting a plan on running away and put it into action.
In mid way of escaping I hits a flaw in his plan where I make a wrong turn
and runs into a group of slave catchers. (One of them was the same slave catcher
that caught me six years ago). THe second I saw his familiar face my temper went off
the chart and I ran in headstrong and started a fight with them. (Wasn't one of my
best decisions...) At first I was winning against the large group of people, but
then more came over and I was on the verge of going down. At the last minute,
a well figured brunette white women walks over. She starts saying I'm her slave
and all the slave catchers are so awed at her beauty that they don't even
attempt to question her. Half conscience, and angry, I give the guys a dirty
look and get up in an attempt to continue fighting. Was shocked as hell when that Brunette
grabs me by the ear, slaps me across the face and forces me away.
After the slave catchers were out of sight, the women formally introduces herself
as Hali Hudson, a beginner abolitionist. I didn't trust her at first simply because she
was an unknown white but I found myself easily opening up to her over and over. Over the
course of 3 months, we became really close while working as activist and running
away from the slave catcher who remembered me.
About a year goes by and Hali and I get married (Not legally of course). A few years after that
we have two kids. Sadly, al few years after that we get corner by the guy who remembered me
and murdered while trying to protect our children.
My wife Hali Loves to draw. This is her self portrait
although personally, I like she's a hundred times more gorgeous.
This is me drawn by Hali..... Hmmm... Somethings looks off about it. But I love it.
Our houseeeeee...
Cecil's House... Way too big for my liking...
This is where slaves lived... Hated that sh!t hole, crap excuse of a house
I had a best friend name Kamille who was always getting into trouble. This
was the last punishment for her. Slave master tied her son up like that
and left him there for three days.
This is Robin's Dad... He was a good guy and really smart. Got sold one day though
because the master's wife tried to sleep with him and he said no.
Yesterday's breakfast. Man... Hali CAN NOT cook so I do all the cooking. I don't know
how she survived before she met me. >.<
Our Dog Stevennnnn... He looks so weird... But I can't figure out why?
Me and Hali made this together (cause there's no way she could make this by herself)
Our shower. Itz amazing... that is all I have to say... It's just... amazing...
Hated Wearing these Damn things. Hurt like hell after a while.
STATUS UPDATES
1850
Today has been funny... Hali went crazy over a book that got published today called “Scarlet Letter” by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Not sure what it’s about but it seems like an important event to Hali.
Septemeber 9th
Today was amazing. Hali and I heard that California became the thirty-first state, and territory of New Mexico and Utah was created. The way we see it, we now have one more state to help slaves escape to. Hopefully we get more soon.
Sept 20th
Wow... Itz funny how slavery was abolished in DC today and yet slavery still exist. You’d think that if slavery ended in the CAPITAL it would end all over the country... Sad... This world we live in is messed the hell up.
October 12th
Almost burst out laughing today when Hali came running into the house. “OMG! First Women’s Medical School has opened! Yes! Female Power!” She always gets so excited about things like this.
1852
March 29th
I heard Ohio made it illegal for children under 18 and women to work more than 10 hours... Kind of agree with that... I don’t want my kids wasting too much of their childhood working. I want them to enjoy their youth and be kids... Oh. And I definitely don’t want Hali working long. That woman is a walking caution sign, getting hurt ALL the time. SO clumsy... I really don’t want her out of my sight for too long if i can help it.
August 1st -
Kind of happy today. San Francisco Methodist made the very first black church called Zion Methodist. I might go and bring Hali and the kids with me. We need a God or Gods to help us through our life...
1853
April 23rd -
So pumped right now. Apparently between April 14th and 20th Harriet Tubman started her underground rail road. Hali’s already working on a plan to get us to intersect them and ask if we can help. The more blacks that we get free the better.
October 2nd -
Wow... you gotta hear this. TOday over and Austria Jews were forbidden from owning any land... This entire world is Racist! *laughs* Like... It’s funny in a sad way. Whites not only hate us, but they hate their own kind too. Their gonna end up killing everyone or everyone will end up killing them.
Note THREE
June 28th, 1853
It’s currently June twenty eighth, Hali’s birthday. She’s seven teen now... Been two years since we married... Right now we’re laying out in the field behind our house. She’s sleeping on my stomach... and looks just as amazing as she did the day I met her in the woods. Would of died that day if she hadn’t came when she did.
Oh well. That’s not what today’s entry is about. Earlier today Hali was telling me about the revolutionary war was. “Figures you wouldn’t know about that. A lot of blacks don’t know about it. Slave owners think it’ll give you guys ‘inspiration to recreate a revolution of your own’ I’ve heard. Sad...” Hali started out saying.
I’ll explain it the way she explained it.
Basically, A large group of british people came to this land we now know as America and claimed it as theirs in the name of their king. Then after a while their king became to become a pain in the butt with all these rules and taxes and the british people living in America said “Hey, Wait a minute! We’re all the way over here! And you’re pissing us off! So we’re not going to listen to you anymore!!”
That made the king angry. So he sent a bunch of british troops across seas to go handle the Rebelling British. Of course though, this story is a somewhat happy ending, and the American British end up beating the british troops and winning their freedom from the British king.
Sweet story right? Doubt that’ll happen with blacks though. We’re too unorganized and we betray each other... But it’s a good idea... Imagine a black telling a slave owner no... he’d be skinned and hung before he could put a period on the end of the one word sentence. No *slash! HANG!* Funny though... I’ve said no to my slave master once.
He had pushed me over and knocked over my dinner one night just for the hell of it then slapped me ACROSS THE FACE and said “Get down there and eat if off the floor!” Pshhh... White bastard must have lost his mind that day and he probably thought the same about me when I kicked the food at his foot and said no. Of course Cecil was in the next room and heard. “Nigger! Have you lost your mind!?” his dad yelled at me raising his arm like he was going to swing at me. I put my arms up, ready for a fight. I had been waiting so long to get my hands on this white trash for so many reasons. Just as he swings at me, Cecil comes between us. “Dad, wait! He’s drunk! Give him a break please, it’s my fault. I gave him way too much beer last night.”
His dad gave me his cold look that struck fear into so many blacks (but only made me give him mean looks back. I ain’t afraid to pick a fight with anyone). “Nigger MUST be drunk to raise a fist to ME. Take his black self out the house and throw him in solitary for a week.” MAN, that pissed me off. I had to spend a week inside this box in the dark. Wasn’t able to see Robin and all i got to eat was rice and water.
Wish i had a army of men back then. I would have “revolted” and burnt down his entire house... AND killed his whole family except Cecil of course. Then I’d take my army to another plantation and revolt there. ANd continue the cycle until all the slave owning families were dead and all the blacks were free. *laughs lightly*
Seems more like a fantasy than reality... Oh. Hali’s waking up now. Gotta say happy birthday to her...
NOTE Two
Semaj here... Finally got my hands on some paper again. My master’s son, Cecil, caught me writing a couple weeks after I got on the plantation and slapped me with a book. He told me something like “Stupid Crazy Nigger! If my daddy catches you, he’d cut your hands off without a second thought!” We were somewhat friends then so I guess he was worried about me so I let it go. (Usually I would have knocked his face off... I don’t like being hit).
Anyway... me and Cecil are like best friends now. He looks out for me and covers for me because honestly, I’d be dead by now if he wasn’t around. I’ve started fights, popped off at overseers, and slacked off from work so many times you’d think I was mental. Yesterday was my twelfth birthday so (I’ve been here two years now) Cecil brought me this amazing notebook and pen. The cover of the book is the same color as my bed so it’s easy to hide. “You’re only allowed to write at night, in the woods, and/or when you’re one HUNDRED percent sure there’s no one around. I don’t want you getting in trouble because of this.”
So... Today’s my first day writing in this. It’s around eight at night from the looks of the sky... I miss my brother and sister... and I somewhat miss my parents... Somewhat... I need to find a way to get out of this... Oh! That’s what I’ll do... Starting today, this book will be my outline to escaping this sh!t hole... I hate it here. Hmmmm... what can I do!? Oh yeah... a couple of days ago Cecil snuck me a news paper. He sneaks me one when he can although they’re always really old... I read about a couple of examples of people resisting to slavery in there. It was interesting.
The first person I read about was a guy named Gabriel Prosser. He tried to recruit about a thousand slaves with a plan to set fire to the capital of Virginia and take the governor captive around August 30th of 1800. What sucks is that some traitor nigga squealed to the local authorities and they came and stopped Gabriel and his resistance.
I know I can’t rely on people now. A nigga will do anything to keep the skin on his back I guess. A black’ll stand by his kind and fight, which is the difference between Black people and Niggers. I’m definitely one hundred percently Black. I’d stand and fight and DIE before I become a traitor... Hmmm... I think I just went off topic...
Anyway... When I try to escape, I know that I can’t tell anyone, and I can’t rely on any one to help me. You never know who’s a black and who’s a nigger out here...
Another person I read about was Nat Turner. He was a black preacher from a plantation in Virginia. Apparently he felt that he was called from god to “leave his people from slavery”. Hmph... Funny how his rebellion cause fifty five whites to die and between one hundred and two hundred blacks to die. Also because of him a lot of laws were made to restrict slaves even more. I don’t think God (if there is a god) would let that happen just to become a major fail on Nat’s part...
I wonder if there really is a god anyway... and if there is, what the hell was he thinking when he decided to make white people...
Oh well... Lesson from this guy is that I really can’t get others involved. I don’t want anyone getting hurt because of me.
Oh. There was one other person that was interesting:
Frederick Douglas. I heard he escaped in 1838. The article about him in the newspaper was like two pages long. The man is something. He escaped from slavery, became a writer about his life and slavery and somehow managed to be able to work with the president. Hmmm... I should do that. When I escape (because there’s no way in hell I’m living the rest of my life on this damned plantation), I’m going to write out everything I’ve been through. I’m going to put down on paper the truth about whites, slavery, and our world as a whole. Maybe it’ll move a few hearts... There’s a low chance of it but there is a chance so it’s worth a try. Like these three guys, I’m gonna become an abolistionist. I want to help free slaves and make a difference somehow. Tired of my life... I’m not accomplishing ANYTHING in this stupid plantation! Damn...
Note ONE
You know, I asked my slave owner’s son once, what was the purpose of slavery. I asked him why did he think it existed. His answer to me was that it was due to “a need of labor”. There was a lot of work that was needed to be done when it came to plantations and the only way to get everything done was to get a bunch of mindless niggers to do it. At least, that’s what my daddy told me” were his words. That night when I stretched out on my poor excuse of a bed, his son’s words were all I could think about.
Since the day I had that chain locked around my neck and ankles I’ve only managed to wonder, why? Why does something as... inimical and evil as slavery have to exist. What was the point of it. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the thought of it just being a way to get work out of people. There had to be a deeper root to it then that. There was no way a black being whipped to death was due to a need for labor. There was no way a black women being raped and beaten was due to the need of labor. There was no WAY that the limbs of a black being cut off was due to a NEED for labor. No... There was more to it then that... There had to be more to it.
I’ve been on this plantation for six years now and there’s no doubt in my mind that there are some strong, bad feelings behind slave owners and just whites in general. I’ve seen them do so many things to my kind pointlessly. My very first love, Robin, was driven crazy by whites. She worked herself to death trying to please them; Doing their children’s laundry, feeding them, caring for the slaves children, tending to the wife’s needs. They repaid her for her hard labor by raping her. Over and over... And i didn’t find out until it was too late. Would have killed that white son of a bitch if she had told me when it first happened... but by the time i found out, she was a month pregnant and convinced that if I killed that white trash her baby and her would have no future. So I sat back in silent rage as I watched a white baby grow inside my black beauty. I stood by her.
One day while I’m out in the fields one of my slave sisters come running over to me and tells me Robin’s in labor. The overseer gives me a look and reaches for his whip. I give him a look of hell and lock my wrist. There was no way he would stop me from going to her, and he knew it. So he stepped to the side and my slave sister led me to Robin who was in the cook house on the floor around four other female slaves. I ran over to hold Robin’s hand and after 2 hours the child was out of her. It was a nasty color at first but soon it turned to be a light-skinned black. The glow and joy in Robin’s face was like nothing I had seen before. I couldn’t describe to you how happy she was with the limited vocabulary I have but I doubt there’d be a word for it anyway.
All I knew was that I wanted to be able to keep that smile on her face forever.
A week goes by and I pull up the courage to ask her the four words that would let me make her happy forever. “Will you marry me?” Her reaction wasn’t what I expected though. “I... Semaj... I... No...” I had a hand full of fresh picked flowers that I snuck away to get for her. They hit the ground at the same second my heart did. “Okay... Why not?” She looked off. “I have a son now. And... Master said he’ll take care of us... Master Loves me Semaj... and... I love him too.”
I don’t remember much after that. It’s all just a blur of blind fury. I know I yelled at her... really loud. Calling her crazy. She yelled back a couple times. I don’t know what... but I ended up storming off to the edge of the woods and punching the hell out of a tree. Broke my knuckles I think. “Damned white man...” I mumbled over and over. I remember that because I still mumble it now. Damned White man. That’s all whites are. they’re cursed beings sent to destroy and terrorize everything. Slavery is just a form of their terror and destruction and is in this world as just a reminder of how much of a monster whites are.